tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32679569942338394772024-02-19T07:22:37.430-08:00Being IndianVahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-61053649998843586762013-08-17T13:06:00.003-07:002013-08-17T13:09:05.571-07:00Being Indian: Silence v2.0<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Recently
I had the most prestigious opportunity of meeting a man, only about a year
younger than me. We had a lot in a common, which is rare. He had lost his
mother recently as I have and he also suffered from frequent panic attacks. So
we got along very well and texted often which progressed to speaking on the
phone during his breaks at office. Amidst one such conversation, he told me
about how he hated Tamilians. How they were pseudo because they listened to
Justin Timberlake. And in this conversation as he went on to demean an entire
race, he mentioned how Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake, Rihanna and Lady Gaga
should all be put in one room and bombed. Since I hate music fanaticism, I was
left flabbergasted and went on to pose the question,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“What about the men who were
responsible for the Delhi gang-rape?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Oh I don’t give a shit about that!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I gasped
on this end of the phone line and we went on to discuss many many other things.
Rape, homosexuality, racism and sexism. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I’d love
to give you a transcript of what that conversation went like and I by no means
intend to quote this man out of context. I continued to rationally interpret
what it was that this man meant. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“I don’t care about rape. It doesn’t
affect me. But listening to Justin Timberlake does, so yes, I want to see that
end.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Gay people are so unnatural. They
don’t need to do that. Why should they do that when women are around?’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Any man who listens to Justin
Bieber is not a man, he is a woman”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Tamilians are just assholes”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">The
slurs continued. At his end he continued to laugh every time I revolted against
everything he said. The conversation ended when I frustratingly hung up the
receiver when he said,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Gays should stay away from society.
They should be banished…”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I met
this individual in a pub and I really thought I connected with him. He studied
in the best of schools in the city, had knowledge of every rave in Goa and was
quite the brand-whore. He had no dirth of access to knowledge. But yet, in our
first conversation he thought that I was just kidding about the Shiva lingam
being a phallic symbolism. He called it blasphemy. This brings me to the most
infuriating thing he said,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“You are a blasphemer, and that’s
worse than being a rapist or a murderer”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I couldn’t
believe what I was listening to. How can renouncing a religion be worse than
forcing one to have sex without their consent, taking a life or being so
judgemental of one’s choices that you’d rather have them leave society than
change your uninformed opinion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">In our
following arguments, he went on to say that<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Gays should be quarantined and if
they try to leave, they should be shot on sight”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">We
argued until my throat went bad, until I was left alone in the dark crying and
wondering how I ever encountered such a heartless individual. In all of that
chaos, he very plainly asked,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Why do you care? I think people
have problems that they should deal with. I am not gay. I have not been raped
and will never be raped. I don’t think anyone will abuse me. Why should I care?
You should only worry about yourself. People should worry about themselves. You
shouldn’t care about these gays or rape victims, how does it matter to your
life?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">It does.
I have been silent for long. And I know this silence has bought me much pain
and misery. Some of it, I still struggle to digest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Five
years ago, it was a regular night in the university town I studied in. I was
out with some friends and was looking forward to the barbecue party at home. There
was this one guy, Vinay (name changed), a friend who I bumped into at the pub I
was out at. I invited him and his friend to the barbecue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">The
barbecue was great. The chicken was tangy and tender and music was live and
peaceful. Vinay and I bonded over our love for music and I invited him over to
my room to see the posters. And within minutes the tension unfolded and we
kissed. Things got heated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">It had
only been fifteen minutes since it had begun and I realised I wasn’t ready for
where this was headed. I told him that I wasn’t ready and in response he pulled
out a condom. I told him I didn’t mean protection, I just wasn’t ready to do
anything more. My memory after this seems to be missing a few frames. I
remember being slapped and his hand against my mouth. I remember his other hand
clasp on to my neck as I tried to bite his hand off my mouth. I felt powerless
and angry. But as a skinny tiny person, I couldn’t do anything to let go. I
couldn’t stop this monster from overtaking me and putting on the damn
protection. The last thing I remember is being slapped really hard across the
face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I woke
up some time later naked next to him. I ran to the several corners of the room
looking for my clothes. I could still hear the loud jam outside and the laughter.
I asked him to get out of my room. I could feel pain in several places. I
thought of the short story I wrote when I was seventeen years old about a woman
who was raped by her husband on her wedding night. The veins pulled together.
Things burned. I was not a virgin but I could feel something was lost that
night. I put on my t shirt and sat in the corner of the room in the darkness
and saw his silhouette leave with the little source of light from the living
room. I cried for hours into the morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">The next
morning, I texted him saying I remembered what happened and that what he did
wasn’t right and that I was going to tell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Complain if you want. My dad’s a high
powered lawyer. Nothing will happen.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I called
a couple of my closest friends and told them what happened. One said, I
deserved it for inviting him to the party and one, that I deserved it for
kissing him. My roommate asked me the same afternoon, suggestively, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“How was last night?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“It was kind of rough” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I
responded. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I couldn’t
bring myself to tell anyone what had happened. I blamed myself for a long time.
My thighs hurt for weeks. I couldn’t go to the toilet without it burning for
almost two months. I had visible cuts around my vagina and bite marks on my stomach.
I tried to tell some people but they never believed me. A year later, it came
back to hit me when I saw him again. And I had a meltdown and told people. My
sister, my friends, everyone. They all wondered why I of all people chose to be
silent about this. They were angry with me for being silent and I was too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I still
am. I can’t see the current me walking away from this in silence and taking
defeat. I’ve met him on a few occasions after that, some of which ended with me
violently punching him. I thought with every punch, I’d let go. I thought when
I’d write this, I’d feel better. And I just realised I don’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">So mister,
it does matter to me. I know how it is to choose silence. I know how it is to
be blamed for something that I will carry for the rest of my life. I am that
woman who has been raped or that homosexual who has been ridiculed – they are
not all in the newspapers. They are not in cities far away, they are not in
villages in secluded farms. They are you and me. They are next to you on the
bus. They are in the table next to you drinking coffee. They are having a drink
in the bar with you. They are voting with you. They are talking to you. And all
in the silence of the shame you contributed to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-34877246112514901312013-03-16T13:59:00.001-07:002013-03-16T14:01:44.948-07:00Being Indian: Gender Biased Laws<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’ve
been disturbed lately. I am obviously angry but this time at an issue that I am
yet to wholly understand. Even so, I’m furious. I have never really been a fan
of marriage, arranged or love. But as I cross the threshold of the marry-able
age and see that everyone I know is getting engaged and married, the horror
stories I’ve heard are now drawing closer. Though each of these stories are of
only one or two people, a little research leaves one amazed and how common
these experiences actually are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">There
are monster-in-laws, mama’s boys, gold diggers, hasty decisions and more – all
hidden behind the pretty candid albums of engagements and weddings. From
parents struggling to pay off wedding loans to parents spending a few nights in
jail, I’ve heard them all. I want to start with the one thing that has been
bothering me the most. It makes me feel disgusted and helpless and more so,
because I’m a woman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Our
country has been fighting a social evil, one that we’ve learnt in school as
part of our nation’s history; one that has been in practise for many years and
is now being fought with a highly gender biased law – Dowry. There are two
sides to this coin; on one, women are being doused with kerosene. The other side
is dangerously creating male versions of feminazis, after tormenting and
extorting them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A
friend of mine went off the radar for almost a year. Before he went
underground, I remembered talking to him a few weeks before he was about to get
married. The next time I saw him he looked deeply disturbed. And then he told
me the story of his short marriage and ugly divorce. He had an arranged
marriage and was married to this girl for three months, during which he made
several efforts to give her space and comfort. Three months after they married,
she moved back to her parents’ house. And about two months later, the girl’s
family filed both a divorce and a complaint against him and his family under
the 498a act. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
498a act of our constitution, one of the dowry prohibition laws, reads as
following:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">498A. Husband or
relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Whoever, being the
husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to
cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to
three years and shall also be liable to fine.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Explanation-For the
purpose of this section, "cruelty" means-<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">(a) Any willful
conduct which is of such a nature as is likely to drive the woman to commit
suicide or to cause grave injury or danger to life, limb or health whether
mental or physical) of the woman; or<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">(b) Harassment of
the woman where such harassment is with a view to coercing her or any person
related to her to meet any unlawful demand for any property or valuable
security or is on account of failure by her or any person related to her meet
such demand.[7]<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
complaint cited my friend as a sex-maniac and stated that he even indulged in
wife swapping. It said that he had invited his friends to spend nights with his
wife. It also cited that he offered his wife to his father. Apart from this
they were also accused of constantly harassing the girl’s family for dowry in
the form of money and other expensive gifts. And for all of this there was no
evidence apart from the girl and her family’s testimony. My friend and his
mother were arrested and spent three nights in jail. He agreed to give her the
divorce, but the demands were exorbitant and continued to grow. As the entire
thing got uglier day by day, the girl’s family offered to settle the entire
thing out of court for about 40 lakhs. And the sum of this out-of-court
settlement has been rising at every step.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
friend of mine is not one case. I personally know two others like him and there
are even <a href="http://www.saveindianfamily.org/" target="_blank">NGOs</a> and groups dedicated to helping <a href="http://www.498a.org/victimStories.htm#v19" target="_blank">victims</a> of the misuse of the 498a
act. But how often do you hear about this in the news? A lot of media these
days is focusing on the safety of the woman, the status of the Indian woman and
how India does not respect its women. And every time I watch one of these
advertisements or debates on the news channels, I remember these guys who have
been working towards this unjust law for the past 8 years and have received
little or no media coverage. I have wondered and discussed with friends as to
why when gender equality is in the focus on the media at this time, there has
been no talk of the misuse of the 498a act and most responses lead to<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Well, there is
always collateral damage.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">No.
There isn’t. There shouldn’t be. If you google misuse of 498a, you will be
exposed to a world where the Indian constitution has been incredibly unfair to men
and their families. There are numerous cases where men are being extorted as
victims of the misuse of this act or where men are being threatened to either
pay up or be victimised. When it comes to gender biased laws, this is just one
act. There are others too including the domestic violence act and the various
maintenance laws.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Sadly,
the way NGOs are dealing with this issue is the same way women deal with issues
that affect women. The activists slander women. Their websites have the Indian
woman painted as an evil money hungry succubus just like in recent media, the
Indian male has been described as the sole reason for sexual violence in India,
the sex hungry animal who disrespects women and treats them like dirt. These
activists call themselves masculinists, which brings me to feminism.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-IN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I learnt the word Feminism
to mean equality of men and women, respect for everybody regardless of gender. I used to identify myself as a feminist, with pride and felt that I was a part of a fair
and beautiful movement. But this relentless focus on women’s rights is not
gender equality. I know that dowry in the past has contributed to the harassment
and death of countless women, and I do NOT deny that to date there are many
women who continue to suffer several atrocities due to dowry. But if the
prohibition law is being unfair to men, then it needs to be changed and for us to
reach equality, both genders need to have a fair chance at dignity of life. I
want to see a day when men and women come together to fight the battles of
gender inequality. I want to see just as many women picketing on the streets
against these gender biased laws as men protesting against sexual violence.
Change only happens with inclusion. </span></div>
Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-86148576787534799412012-12-19T10:49:00.000-08:002012-12-19T10:50:48.044-08:00Being Indian: Silence<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today, I wanted to write. And then I
wondered how many times I was going to rant about rape in this
country. How many times I was going to emphasise on the fact that
every day I feel a little less safer in this country. My social
networking pages are clogged with statuses and photos asking for
capital punishment for those six men who gang-raped a girl on a
moving bus. The incident has even moved those apathetic people who,
most of the time, have no idea what is going on in their country.
Many of these posts claim that we Indians are passive and don't
really get out on the streets or express our anger towards these
atrocities. Little do they forget that all this while they are the
ones who have been passive and oblivious to the many attempts that
citizens have made to voice their dismay in light of the growing
incidence of rape in the country.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The heterogeneous nature of these posts
amazes me. There are a few ideas that are dominating, the most
prominent being those in favour of capital punishment and castration.
How is that a solution? How is such a violent punishment any
solution? Dig a little deeper and you will find that in Delhi, the
abundance of this crime is due to many loopholes in the system and
society. Only a small percentage of it is contributed by the lack of
a more trusting judicial system.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have always opposed the use of death
penalty but what is most wrong with this method is that what people
want is to get rid of the criminal rather than the crime – to get
rid of the problem at hand rather than the root of the problem.
Instead, what we need is to rethink our ways of education and
outlook. There is <a href="http://lifeandtherepublic.blogspot.in/2012/12/12-things-about-delhi-bus-rape-case.html" target="_blank">so much</a> that contributes to a society that
flourishes with sexual violence. Our outlook is outdated and largely
dominated by judgement. The men and women who contribute to
stereotyping another as “easy”, stripping them of dignity without
more than just a glance. Those who will question the attire, the
place, the caste, the family life and the choices of the survivor of
such a gruesome crime. The society that prohibits its men and women
from interacting with each other until a certain age and then throws
them into a bed with a complete stranger. The naive society that
glorifies its stronghold on the lack of sexual expression and yet
considers Bollywood item numbers as glamorous and ultimately wonders
why there is rampant sexual violence.</span></div>
<div style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The worst part of this entire episode
is that we have all gone on a man-hating, woman sympathising spree.
We are talking about violence against women. About the safety of
women. About how this entire thing is about the way our culture
treats women. At this point, it would be the most obvious thing to
also question and stand up for the the safety of and the violence
against the men. But this is where I believe we are all lost. It is
not about men and women. It is about a crime against humans, a black
mark on humanity itself. No human being, regardless of gender, should
be treated like this.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A friend of mine put up a very
interesting status on the issue suggesting that Delhi rapists must
stop raping because they are giving feminists a reason to get things
their way:
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“I guess it should be made
official. Delhi – The most dangerous city in the world for women!
Heinous, atrocious and merciless monsters dwelling in the place. Time
and again hearing the same news again and again. Thank you Delhi
rapists, you're giving the feminists exactly what they need –
stringent laws meant for women against men. Laws where even false
accusations count in any other safe city or any part of India because
of what happened in NCR/Delhi. Bravo, bravo! Thanks to Delhi rapists,
the threat of feminist laws would be the order of the day for the
entire nation's innocent men. Sentiments from an anti-feminist.”</span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Firstly, this guy has got the meaning
of feminism completely wrong. Feminism is the belief that men and
women are equal or gender equality. I understand there are feminists
out there whose ideas are simply repulsive but to completely
misunderstand the word feminism is sheer stupidity. I agree that the
literal term may be misguiding but a little research will lead you to
discover that feminism is not pro-woman and anti-man, rather it is
adhering to standards of gender equality. Sexual violence is not a
women's rights issue. It is a human rights issue. Completely and
wholly a human rights issue. The more we exclude the plight of men
and focus on a woman's rights in a society like ours, we encourage
exclusion. The only way forward is inclusion.
</span></div>
<div style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'd like to keep up with the composed
and tempered style in which I have, in the past, penned down my
frustrations but at the moment, nothing seems to shake off the
anguish that has filled me with this incident. What irks me more is
the overwhelming response. In the past we have had the death of
Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandez, the many incidents of rape in
Delhi leading to an imposition of a curfew, the gang-rape of a
student in National Law School Bangalore, courts not recognising
marital rape as a crime, khap panchayats blaming chowmein and
countless similar incidents. Did it take this one girl and her
friend's brutal torture for you to wake the fuck up?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While I am glad that this incident has
finally pushed the media to relevantly deal with and question on the
subject, I fear that this too shall pass like the many instances of
sexual violence that we have seen on the news. I fear that these
stories will come and go as fads for us to exercise armchair activism
and at the end of it we too shall contribute to it. What happened to
that girl, her plight was not only in the hands of those six men. It
was in our hands too. Our society is but a reflection of our
thoughts. How often do we walk through the streets, get felt up and
walk away in silence? How often do we see other people get teased and
molested and walk away in silence? If we don't do so now, at some
point we have contributed with our silence. At this point I urge you
to not lose the anger, wake up and scream. No more silence.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In the words of a friend, it is not the
end of the world we are approaching, it is the end of humanity. </span></div>
<br /></div>
Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-60002681211764056132012-11-07T09:39:00.000-08:002012-11-08T03:11:36.472-08:00Being Indian: Waste Segregation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">So,
what is it that has made me so mad this time? Is it the lonely
plastic tag in the wet waste bin, the used diaper that has been
sitting on the footpath down the road for days or the little garbage
dumps that have sprung all across Bangalore City?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">About
a month ago, the BBMP took a great initiative to distribute pamphlets
motivating residents of Bangalore to segregate their waste. The
reason for this move was that the use of the Mavallipura landfill,
where Bangalore dumped its garbage, was suspended. If residents
segregate their garbage, the dry waste can directly be sent for
recycling and the wet waste for composting. It is a month later and
this plan has dreadfully failed. While the government is trying to deal with the problem by bridging the <a href="http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report_identify-5-sites-for-garbage-disposal-hc-to-bangalore-government_1761333" target="_blank">gaps in the implementation</a> of
this garbage revolution, some residents continue to strongly believe that segregation is a “waste” of their time and that it
is in fact the BBMP's responsibility to do so.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Firstly,
it is a lot simpler and less time consuming to segregate your
garbage. You dispose of your wet waste every day and your dry waste
only once a week. Since we've started doing this at home, we've
realised that it is a lot more cleaner and there are absolutely no
fruit flies. Secondly, it is impossible to segregate garbage after it
has been mixed. All of your dry waste will probably be covered in tea
leaves and drenched in tomato juice; and your wet waste will be
tainted with non-biodegradable bits of plastic. Dry waste that has
been mixed with wet waste cannot be recycled. Therefore, it is NOT
BBMP's responsibility to segregate garbage. It is our responsibility.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Why
should we segregate garbage for BBMP if they cannot even provide us
with good roads?” We are not segregating garbage for BBMP. We are
doing it for
ourselves, for a cleaner city, for better hygiene, for the
environment and more. Since the initiative has begun, the locality I
live in has seen the birth of many small dumps on every street. I am
not referring to the large dumps that are emerging across the city
due to the anomalies in the system; I am talking about lonely garbage
bags that are just lying around randomly. These bags are thrown by
residents who are too lazy to segregate.</span></div>
<div style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Garbage
attracts all kinds of things. From being kicked around and strewn
across the street by stray dogs to becoming a breeding ground for
insects and pests. But the most hazardous effect of these little
garbage dumps is that it attracts and becomes a feeding ground for
rodents. When the number of rodents equals the number of residents in
a given area, it gives rise to plague. It is not a meager issue, but
a larger one at hand.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The
effects of unsegregated waste are endless. It poses great risks to
the health and hygiene of the pourakarmikas. Try putting your hand
into a bin of mixed waste and chances are, you will get scratched and
cut by pieces of metal, glass, pins, blades, needles, etc. They are
also exposed to infectious sanitary waste, hazardous e-waste as well
as rotting wet waste on a daily basis. All of this because we are too
lazy to use two separate bins for our waste.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhedL3PB2Z6zOJpxzIiSii2aoB5eCjem0yRrlkKxKbsYf1BS9dhpBtV9juSp2GKFaM-u3stTxEmVw75c6_TxZmbNGI01aZ2HqsE69Kxm2XRJ2jVpddjuqAyjnG0Xh1gfYZI4mMRR5i4ahui/s1600/great-pacific-garbage-patch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhedL3PB2Z6zOJpxzIiSii2aoB5eCjem0yRrlkKxKbsYf1BS9dhpBtV9juSp2GKFaM-u3stTxEmVw75c6_TxZmbNGI01aZ2HqsE69Kxm2XRJ2jVpddjuqAyjnG0Xh1gfYZI4mMRR5i4ahui/s200/great-pacific-garbage-patch.jpg" width="175" /></span></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3267956994233839477" name="firstHeading"></a>When
waste is not segregated, it ends up in a dump. These dumps are an
environmental threat and pose many risks to other species. The film,
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SifRIYqHfcY" target="_blank">The Plastic Cow</a>, shows the plight of cows that were found with huge
amounts of plastic in their stomachs leading to their slow and
painful deaths. Many marine creatures fall prey to garbage dumping
near the sea. The <span style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/15/atlantic-garbage-patch-pa_n_538514.html" target="_blank">GreatPacific Garbage Patch</a> is a floating pile of garbage that has been
spun together by the currents of the ocean. While the patch exists
close to Hawaii, there is no guarantee that we are not creating our
very own in the Indian Ocean. </span></span></div>
<div style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Not
segregating garbage affects the country at large. As residents of
Bangalore, we must be proud that our municipality has at least taken
an initiative to educate us to be more responsible citizens. Multiply
one city's problem several times to envision the the bigger picture.
A country such as India, that relies greatly on agriculture, can make
great progress with sustainable living. Waste management can ensure
that a larger portion of wet waste is composted and turned into
useful energy.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In
the current situation of the country, we must be resourceful and
optimize the use of everything, including our garbage. Waste
management only ends with segregation; it begins with acquiring less
garbage. Go old school and use steel or glass plates and cups instead
of paper or plastic ones. Carry your own bottle of water, do not buy
packaged water. Carry a bag when you're shopping and refuse plastic
covers. Re-use anything and everything. If you can't re-use it, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/secondnone/" target="_blank">pass it on to someone who can</a>.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">BBMP
does need to take some more steps to mobilise this initiative –
ensure better waste management by commercial bulk generators,
training of pourakarmikas to refuse and appropriately collect
unsegregated waste, training of citizens to understand the necessity
of waste segregation and a system for identification and punishment
for those who break the rules.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No
city or society can make progress without active participation of its
citizens. So while BBMP tackles the issue of correctly transporting
the segregated garbage, we as citizens must not stop segregating. We
must start segregating waste as a lifestyle rather than an obligation
to the law.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>I
would like to thank Vani Murthy, Shyamala and their team for
providing me with the necessary information and insight for this
piece. </i>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<br /></div>
Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-88977543262980521072012-08-14T09:15:00.001-07:002012-08-14T09:16:45.038-07:00Being Indian: Independence<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whenever I
feel the need to blog here, I have to find that perfect moment when I am angry
but not absolutely overwhelmed by anger. But today, as we approach our
Independence Day in a few hours, I am f***ing angry, just knowing how
unbelievably false this day is. The one day when we paint our profile pictures
with tricolours and finally come around to respect our country and celebrate
it. This year, maybe we should all go out and find the first house party and
beat everyone up. We should find a young girl on the road, strip her naked and
try to grab every inch of her skin; for I am led to believe, that is what
Indian culture is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This year
alone, I have had three experiences that have shattered my faith in the fact
that I am safe on the roads of this country. Let me begin by the most common
one. I was at a restaurant with some friends at about 12:30 am, buying dinner
after attending a concert. As I walked towards the food counter, a middle-aged
man in a lungi grabbed my crotch as he went past me. I turned around and yelled
“Bastard!” and continued towards my friends. It then struck me that that wasn’t
punishment enough and that this man would probably go grab some other woman
again. So I went on to find him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I
found him, I asked him “Why did you touch me?” His friend began to defend him
as the man in the lungi stood sheepishly behind. I continued to explain that he
had no right to touch me and demanded an apology if nothing more. At this
point, two of my male friends had joined me and a crowd had gathered. My
friends began to shout at them and I explained that I would like to deal with
it by myself. Following the apology I received, as I walked away, another man
in the crowd exclaimed, “Abey! She just wanted to make a scene!” So, I turned
around and asked him if he would have made a scene had I been his sister. At
this point, the man happened to push one of my male friends and the next thing
I know they are about to get into a fist fight and I am being escorted to
safety by a security guard. The man had a knife. While, my friends got away
safe, he had absolutely no qualms about bringing the knife out to protect his
ego. A knife for his ego and a sleazy comment for my dignity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As
we proceeded to leave the restaurant, I sat by the parking lot just trying to
wonder how me demanding my right to safety turned into an ego clash between two
men. While many of my friends came and applauded me for having “balls”, one
went on to tell me that I didn’t need to be such a drama queen. To date, I try
to understand the rationale behind that statement. Somebody, please explain to
me how telling a man that he had no right to grab my private parts without
consent is being a drama queen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm; padding: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few
months ago, we parked our bike outside UB City at 10:15 pm. After returning in
barely fifteen minutes, we found that the bike was punctured. We wheeled it
down the road and walked back to UB City where our friends offered to take us
back home in their car. As we waited for them, five men on three bikes went
past us, made a few comments and parked ahead. We crossed over to the security
cabin and waited for our friends, quickly realising that those men were going
to follow us. As soon as our friends arrived and we got in to the car, the men
got on their bikes and started them. They followed us for a while we slowed
down to let one of them overtake us and noted down the number of the bike. A
friend in the car couldn’t control her anger any longer and hit the man on the
bike with the car door, yelling at him. He scooted and minutes later, so did we
towards the closest police station, just in case. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm; padding: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
following day, we took the bike to a puncture shop and asked to see the tube.
There were two clean slashes on the tube and they had appeared to have been
made with a small blade. The men had punctured our bike in an attempt to
handicap us and probably then attack us. After filing a police complaint
against the bike, we went on to ask a few people around the parking lot if they
had seen anything. They hadn’t seen anything but were happy to provide us with
free advice “That is why you should not go out after 9, madam!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm; padding: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you ask
a woman how many times she’s been felt up at all hours, wearing all kinds of
clothes, the answer will be countless. We can’t even count the number of times
we ‘have been subjected to street sexual harassment; it’s an experience that we
have been “warming” ourselves up to since we were 12. I have been angry for
years about being a target simply because I’m a woman. But recently, after
watching the news, watching the Guwahati incident, watching the Hindu Activists
thrash innocent men and women in a home stay, reading about the deaths of a
number of women who are targeted simply because they live their lives
differently, I am scared. And I don’t want to be scared because then they get
the victory. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The reason
I started this blog was to explore what Indian culture really is – the many deep
trenches in our society that we hang on to for the sake of tradition? Or is it
the way ahead? At this point, I don’t see a way ahead. Unless, everybody stands
up against street sexual harassment and moral policing. Unless, women educate
their sons and daughters that sexual harassment of ANY kind is an absolute
wrong. Unless, the media stops running after the story and calls the police
instead. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I mentioned
three experiences and illustrated only two. My third experience is every day.
Every day, I look at people on the streets and everybody looks like the Hindu
Activist, like the moral police and I won’t deny that I am scared. But, I am
not completely broken. I will NOT change my lifestyle, my choices and give up
my freedom. I know today, that when I walk out of my house, my dignity is a
target. My safety is compromised. While all of my posts on this blog end on a
positive note, sadly today is not the case. How am I going to celebrate this
special day? By going and buying myself a can of pepper spray. That, my
friends, is how I am going to celebrate Indian Culture. Pepper spray. Who
would’ve thought! Happy Independence Day.</span></div>
</div>
Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-20719314933594592012012-04-17T01:15:00.000-07:002012-04-17T01:15:16.016-07:00Being Indian: Divorce<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">“My parents are divorced”</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">“Oh I'm so sorry to hear that”</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The story of my life. Everybody is sorry to hear that my parents are divorced but they don't bother to imagine what life was like before that or what lead to it. People don't usually get divorced for no reason or selfish reasons (which I will discuss in future), especially when their children are in their late twenties and early thirties. Today, in conversation, a friend of mine said “Obviously you would have gotten over it by now!” </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It's true I am definitely over it. But not only because it was a sad or bad experience in my life but because having been in relationships myself I can understand that it may not always work between two people. Especially if they have been given the permission to marry after their sun signs have been matched. Here, in India, it is imperative that the stars pronounce you married regardless of whether you're ready for the responsibility or not. Why, even in Mumbai, you are responsible to marry by 18 or 21 but responsible to drink only by 25. Why do we look at marriage as such a simple threshold to cross while it is in fact such a humongous responsibility?</span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm not a fan of arranged marriage. The legal binding of two people for life, normally decided by stars light years away. The story of one of my uncles goes like this. He fell in love with a woman and asked her to marry him. She said yes. After this, he went to his parents with her horoscope and they said “If you've already said yes then why check the horoscope?” But not everyone is that lucky. And so my sister and I are now children of divorced parents.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yes, growing up at one time was tough. Yes, there were times I felt like I was the parent with two children (my parents). But I realized that the decision was good for all of us and once the dust had settled, we really started to look like a family again, even if it was a dysfunctional one. The point is that there is a social stigma attached to divorce and those with divorced parents. What with the Delhi police making an assumption that we will go wayward and therefore asked to be raped?</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The recycling guy down the road asks every time he comes home to pick up the newspapers, “Aunty yelli (Where is aunty)?” I can never bring myself to tell him the truth, so I say “Oor ge hogidare (she is out of town).” I am scared of the very same reaction that the Delhi police had. </span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I had heard of divorce before it hit my family. I thought of it as common. But after having gone through it, I realized that it wasn't that common. I may not feel the need to think twice before telling people that my parents are divorced. But they need to think a few times before they can respond to it. Even if I'm okay with them just not having a response. Or even joking with it saying “Explains why you're so bad with relationships!” No, I have never had that response, but it sure would give me a good laugh.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">People sometimes like to give me some comfort and say “We also went through the same thing, but just that our parents never got divorced. I know what you went through.” Recently, I took a friend up on this just to see what they meant. He said his parents too had problems. A bunch of questions followed.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">“Did you ever ask them if they were happy?”</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">“Did you ever talk to your sister about it?”</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">All of the responses were negative. Well, then I'm sorry but you don't know what I went through. The journey to now was hard. It was bitter. It involved a lot of soaked up tissues. It involved a lot of messed up conversations and even a plate flying across the room. But it ended for the best. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Being a child of divorced parents, I can honestly say that divorce, as much as it is in the papers, on TV, in the movies and more is still a rare event. One that calls for a lot of sympathy and a lot of unnecessary pity. Yes, my parents are probably more liberal than yours because they have had to face the stigma of being divorced. And there is a section of society that still doesn't understand what being divorced means. I recently had to explain to a saleswoman that we do not need a romantic holiday for two (which you can only avail if you're married) because I am single and my parents are divorced. She asked about three times after that because she just didn't get it. </span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Divorce is not a bad thing. It may require years of thinking but in the end it can be fruitful. I see posts on Facebook that show two old people holding hands saying “In our time, if things went wrong we fixed them.” This just makes me realize how regressive even young minds are about divorce. Statistics show that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced themselves. Does marriage petrify me? Certainly. I will probably think a million times before I commit to someone on a long term basis. Do I think divorce a convenient way out of a bad situation? No. I would rather spend a whole lot more time making a decision about the enormous responsibility of marriage than spend time later worrying if I need a divorce.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As a child of divorced parents, have I lost faith in the institution? To a certain degree, I do believe the institution of marriage is a meaningless invention. And I would certainly not choose it at this point or in the near future. But it has worked for some people and is working for several friends of mine. Marriage is a personal choice; it is a huge responsibility that will affect you and your future offspring. If you do decide to take it, give it your best. But, in the end if the institution is making either of you unhappy beyond repair, there is no harm in getting a divorce. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When my parents were about to get separated, my friends assured me that it was a passing phase and that all marriages had problems. Nobody geared me up for the divorce that was coming. And I wish they had. It took me a lot longer to accept that it is okay for my parents to get a divorce than to accept that my parents were unhappy. I just don't get the logic. First we match people up based on the sky and then we look down on those marriages that didn't work. I, for one have no pressure to get married and I am lucky. But it's high time we stopped looking at getting married as just another milestone in life. Think a million times before you tie the knot. And double that before you plan a family. With that big fat wedding, comes great responsibility. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div></div>Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-27260953787669943852012-01-21T04:02:00.000-08:002012-01-21T22:58:32.887-08:00Being Indian: Freedom Of Expression<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV2ofCg5ealfC1LOH_2O2-ZN7CiXne3mnIqMGXuOtymjOvxkD9Vx9mR83f438oMMb1IqI5Y92cQ2lqkZF-PCV6DfLPGi_i8PzGYC2sroKBXRGRhQmdX_IhzmjxbdIzwPyazyvHX0Ih8az_/s1600/iacposter.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV2ofCg5ealfC1LOH_2O2-ZN7CiXne3mnIqMGXuOtymjOvxkD9Vx9mR83f438oMMb1IqI5Y92cQ2lqkZF-PCV6DfLPGi_i8PzGYC2sroKBXRGRhQmdX_IhzmjxbdIzwPyazyvHX0Ih8az_/s400/iacposter.png" width="246" /></a></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I try to vent out my anger with this country and my fellow Indians by posting once a week. Most often, I don't feel better when I let it out but with this blog, I am able to channelize my anger productively. But now, the newspapers tell me Facebook, Google and most of these open spaces are going to be banned. This makes me mad because I know that my writings and many others are going to be targeted and defined as “objectionable and offensive”. This is an abomination because you and I are entitled to our right to freedom of expression and this does not happen in a democracy.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In a situation like this, I feel naïve. I remember in school, we were taught to think of our constitution and country with pride, a country that was for the people, of the people and by the people. A democracy. And we spend years believing how true that is and are stunned at a point like this. What part of pre-screening content on social networking sites is democratic? A cartoonist would use his drawing board to express his anguish against the many issues that haunt our society.* As much as we believe social networking is a complete waste of time, it is a common man's canvas to express himself about the same. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Google, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter and many others serve as platforms for free speech. Anyone can log on to any of these sites and write or post a video with his/her opinions. There is no editor telling you that your opinion doesn't count. There is no authority that is preventing you from being heard. It is absolute freedom of expression where every opinion counts. The best part about these websites is that any information that you find offensive can be reported and removed. It is a reflection of the democracy that we want to see in our country. </span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yes, this kind of freedom is not always used productively. It is being misused by many to defame people and to spread hate speech against certain races and communities. Desecration of religious symbols too are common but generally don't last because people retaliate and make sure that these images and posts are removed. But is the solution to hate speech controlling free speech? No. Free speech in fact is the way out of it. Free speech enables one to sensitize people to issues. It invites discussions that use rationality to help people realize that in a public forum you must watch what you say. And this happens everyday on our Facebook walls, our blogs, on Youtube, etc. Most people are using these mediums responsibly, very well knowing that they are accountable for what they say thanks to traceable unique IP addresses. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">While many us waste a lot of time on the internet browsing memes and taking stupid tests, the web is also being used productively to implement change in the society. The internet has helped mobilize many movements – today more people know about Irom Sharmila's protest thanks to pages and posts while Anna Hazare received attention from mainstream media. People are able to be vocal about their support by signing petitions from the convenience of their desks. <a href="http://www.theuglyindian.com/" target="_blank">The Ugly Indian</a> on their birthday using Facebook, made people get out of their comfort zones and clean up parts of their neighbourhood. For activists, the reach is endless, it is no longer local – an activist can gather support for a cause from across the globe. As we speak, people are contributing money to buy <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6vpMELXAOHQ" target="_blank">this child</a> a real drum kit to play on. That is the power of the web.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The internet is also a rich source of knowledge and is extensively used by students and working professionals to keep themselves up to date with the fast changing world. Harish Gupta from Bengali Market was recently quoted in the news stating that the children in his school often use Google to write their assignments. This received criticism from many stating that there is a lot of pornographic content on the internet and that children should be protected from the internet rather than encouraged to use it for educational purposes. This is absolutely irrational. This is saying we shouldn't step out of our houses as coconuts may fall and land on our heads. What is necessary instead is to educate parents and children to use this medium safely. Plenty of software is available to prevent pornographic and offensive content from showing up on search engines. A number of controls are already in place to prevent this. What we need is a better understanding of this medium rather than a ban.</span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My biggest concern however is how this is going to affect artists. A few years ago, social networking opened up countless opportunities for artists to showcase their talent to a large audience, absolutely everyone who's on the internet. The entertainment industry may have suffered a hell lot with the rampant piracy of their material. But upcoming artists have gained a platform that has helped them establish themselves without going through the mainstream media. What happens to these artists? What happens to the livelihoods of social media consultants and media professionals whose jobs revolve around the web? It is not just our ability to share the mundane details of our life that is at stake here. It is a lot more than that. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But what happens if the government decides to ban these sites and takes control of the user edited information that is being posted on the internet. It is a term that we are all well aware of. It is an act that we have at some time been victims of. Moral policing. Who decides what is objectionable and offensive? My friend said my blog is sure to go if the government has its way simply because everything I say will be defined as not Indian Culture. The writer from Mumbai will surely agree with them. If the control of information on the web goes to the government, the political party in power will decide what you say, what you see and what you should think.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Right now the power to decide what we say and see on the internet lies with us. But if this ban is in place, it is going to slip away. I am sure that people will stand up to this then. But why wait? Are we waiting for them to take our freedom away before we do something about it? This is a democracy. We all have the right to freedom of expression and if there's anything money can't buy, it is that. So before it's too late, stand up to this – write to Kapil Sibal, change your profile picture, put up a status about it or write a blog. Trust me, they are listening.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">*Courtesy: Cartoonist Sudhir Tailang on Big Fight, NDTV</span></div></div>Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-11726971469517748112012-01-06T08:13:00.000-08:002012-01-22T11:53:03.989-08:00Being Indian: Clothing and Rape<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTFk3yhWpw3zvWKIjUTneQCIRMyYqliikZM1FPMMrofyhozyiwaec0fqBiYvbzeVnzUhGx2y9VP3LEau9ZCFeMG5v_a0oo0KdKobdwesYIo1kJoQMIwD_dk_s5KuZSpH5t2PB4lq5u_eSh/s1600/SlutWalk+logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTFk3yhWpw3zvWKIjUTneQCIRMyYqliikZM1FPMMrofyhozyiwaec0fqBiYvbzeVnzUhGx2y9VP3LEau9ZCFeMG5v_a0oo0KdKobdwesYIo1kJoQMIwD_dk_s5KuZSpH5t2PB4lq5u_eSh/s320/SlutWalk+logo.jpg" width="233" /></a></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">With discussions about women's clothing inviting trouble making the rounds, I remember an incident from a few years ago. I went out for a drink with a large group of friends. I wore a comfortable pair of old knee length shorts and a t shirt. My shorts were a bit weathered and torn and one of my friends thought it would be no big deal to slide his hands up one of the tatters. He was wrong. The same night, I neatly folded my shorts, put them away and never wore them again. They gather dust in my cupboard but I miss them. They were the most comfortable pair of shorts I owned – old, filled with memories and a gift from a friend. That night this guy thought that since my shorts were torn, I was easy. And It wasn't just him that made that connection. My then boyfriend also said “Of course, with those shorts, what did you expect?”</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'll tell you what I expect. I expect that when I wear something, or smoke a cigarette in public, or go on a night-out with just my girlfriends, I am in no way asking to be touched. I wear the kind of clothes that I do because when I look in the mirror I feel good – I feel confident, comfortable and most of all, I feel me. It is my own right to choose what I wear and how I express myself. Be it a pair of shorts, jeans, three-fourths, a bright red kurta or a silk saree. What I wear in no way translates to permission to grope me. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yes, of course it would have made a bigger impact for me to begin this piece with an anecdote about how I got felt up in a kurta or a burkha. But the focus isn't what I'm wearing but what happened. My thigh was grazed by fingers without my consent. And the fact that I was wearing a pair of shorts shouldn't be considered as evidence in this case. </span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In this whole discussion about the relation between clothes and rape, where do men stand? We are assuming here that regardless of what women wear, men are like hungry dogs. Salivating over every mini-skirt and spaghetti top that passes by. We assume that men have no self control whatsoever. And with that we assume that the only way to fix the problem is by telling women what to wear. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I understand that by what I've just said, you assume that I only blame this on the mindset of men. While actually the problem lies in the way all of us think, refer and talk about the things we see. A large part of this very thinking is enforced by women - Mothers who tell their sons and daughters that women dressing a certain way Is wrong. When you publicize your judgements about a woman's clothing on to your children, you endorse molestation. It's that simple. The only way that this relation between clothing and rape is going to stop is if we stop labelling people based on what they wear. If you tell your son that a certain woman is dressed inappropriately, he will think the woman is easy and that touching her without her consent won't be wrong. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This is not a feminist issue. It is a human rights issue. Men are also groped, molested and raped. Every man I know has been groped by men and women. Nobody likes to be touched when not asked for. Touching somebody without their consent is simply an inhuman thing to do. Period.</span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am forced to return to talk about sexuality. The lack of sex education in this country causes us to repress our sexuality so much that the so called “eve-teasing” is so common that it is expected. As a woman, I can safely say that I get cat calls, felt up or flashed at least once a week. That's over 50 times a year. And this is one woman's experience. And at the end of it, it doesn't matter what I'm wearing. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Today, I'm ashamed to say that I am from Bangalore City. The first city in the world to cancel SlutWalk. A global movement that was cancelled simply because the Bangalore Police succumbed to the protests from right wing groups. Instead of protecting the thousand citizens that wanted to walk for safety of their men and women, they cancelled it because right wing groups protested. What does that say about our police? That when I'm out on the streets in the night, wearing a pair of jeans and a t shirt, I will always be the victim and I will always be the cause. My safety along with so many others is compromised. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Regardless of all these people who make up the terrible world we live in, I see hope and therefore applaud the vice chancellor of Bangalore University to say that what this city needs is a change of mindset. That is what will stop victim blaming. Educate your children, let them know that nobody asks to be touched without consent – their clothes don't, their habits don't, their lifestyle doesn't. A sexual act without consent is wrong. There are no two ways about it. What we need is for people to start treating each other like human beings. Nobody asks to be raped – and most importantly their clothes don't. </span></div></div>Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-18453941986794452692011-12-29T10:39:00.000-08:002012-01-22T11:54:10.215-08:00Being Indian: Gender Discrimination<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm sure that as a woman, it is only expected that I write something about gender discrimination. The entire discussion of gender equality has been done to death and therefore I'm not going dwell on it. What really bugs me however is gender stereotyping. Boys don't cry, men don't gossip, women love commitment and so on.</span><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When I browse through Facebook, I often find these lists and posts that pin specific characteristics on a gender. There are a number of lists about things men should know about women and vice versa. What men and women like. How they behave in relationships. Social networking sites are practically self-help books with dating tips. The sad part about this entire thing is that if a man expected me to have these qualities, he would be more than disappointed. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I don't take 45 minutes to shower. I have had a bigger fear of commitment than some men I have dated. I have not been planning my wedding since I was 10. I don't expect you to pay the bill on a first date, in fact, I would be offended if you did. I believe chivalry is not just a man's job. I don't fancy muscular men, bar fights and trash talk. I like fart and poop jokes. And yes, I'm very much a woman.</span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Now, I have been told by many that maybe I'm the exception and not the rule. Some men even tell me that they get along with me more because I'm not very feminine. What I'm trying to say is that even with these gender stereotypes, my lack of femininity gives me brownie points. But when it comes to masculinity, the stereotyping is a lot more aggressive and is strongly reinforced by the media.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Men are expected to be strong in every way – physically and emotionally. The ideal image of a man in advertisements and film is that of a muscular and well trimmed man who has great physical strength and is less likely to get into a situation, he can't fight his way out of. Emotionally, men are portrayed as less communicative – they are rarely seen in situations where they are vulnerable. The media projects an image of a man who is unreal and predictable – creating a pseudo standard by which we measure the real men we interact with.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What agonizes me the most is that I feel that by pushing this stereotype on the men we meet in the real world, we are denying them the opportunity to live up to their full potential of feeling and understanding certain natural emotions. I honestly like men who tear up during an emotional discussion. I have seen many men cry and not once have I felt that these men are not masculine enough. Also, I have found myself tongue-tied during emotional conversations wherein the men have actually led the talk to a productive conclusion. While physical appearances are a personal choice, for me bulky muscular bodies are a complete turn off. And still there are articles circulating the web telling men that women like their men muscular. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thank you for taking the time to speak on my behalf but I'd rather you not.</span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The birth of these lists and posts comes from the age old obsession of the two genders trying to understand one another. I solely think the problem arises when you attempt to understand somebody based on their gender rather than plain simple human beings. Yes, scientifically, I will suck at driving whenever I learn to do that. But analysing my likes, dislikes and habits based on my gender has no logic at all. A friend of mine recently saw my room and exclaimed that for a woman, I was quite messy. The truth is for a human being, I'm very messy. I have no sense of cleanliness whatsoever and it is not because I'm less feminine. I'm simply lazy and have less discipline when it comes to keeping my room clean.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have met many kinds of men and women. I never have trouble understanding most of them because as a mish-mash of these so called masculine and feminine characters, I feel that these traits belong to people of both genders. There will always be exceptions to the rules because there are no rules. The only things these so called rules do is create false expectations not only from others but from ourselves. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Some part of me hopes that these lists were created in absolute humour with the sole intention of making people laugh. But then again blogs like <a href="http://living.oneindia.in/relationship/">these</a> make me realize that there is a huge market out there that relies on these gender stereotypes. Sadly, we are in that market and until we realize that all this is a bunch of rubbish, we will probably expect every woman to gossip and every man to fear commitment. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</div></div>Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-23846054774843538502011-12-26T10:42:00.001-08:002012-01-22T11:45:07.228-08:00Being Indian: Dignity of Labour<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I grew up with an engineer for a father, a teacher for a mother and an extended family full of educators, doctors and scientists. I remember when I was 8, my sister was 15 and just out of high school. She was the first one to take up Commerce as her specialization in 11<sup>th</sup> Std. At that point, I realized just how “science-oriented” my family was. I loved chemistry and mathematics, maybe because while I was growing up, I would pretend to be one of my mother's students while she took tuitions at home. Surprisingly, I just about passed in History. Despite that, I went on to study Arts in my 11<sup>th</sup> and 12<sup>th</sup>. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My parents never questioned my chosen path. I received a lot of criticism from an uncle (a scientist) who insisted that if I wanted to get into psychology (my then interest), I should do it through science as there was more money and scope for science. I stuck to my decision and completed my arts course. I went on to take up journalism and psychology in my degree. Less than two years into college, I realized being in an institution and studying just didn't work for me. I found myself bunking college and reading through huge psychology books at coffee shops. Attendance shortage, fines and being locked inside college against my will till 3 pm regardless of whether there was class or not eventually led me to quit and start doing random intern-ships and jobs. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I trained and worked in a lot of publications back then. I clearly remember at this point, I got into a huge argument with the same uncle. He claimed that working in a newspaper took very little effort and talent and that the humanities by itself are a complete waste of manpower. I stopped him and very simply asked him if he subscribed to a newspaper. </span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We often study about the cruelties of the caste system. In some parts of the country, the caste system in it's original ugly self still exists. But I think a more prevalent problem in this society is the lack of dignity of labour. The instances I mentioned above are fairly trivial to the larger picture. Another situation could cite a better example. Recently, I was at a friend's place attending a small party of sorts. Just before I took leave, the conversation was about maid servants and their inherent quality of stupidity. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A lady in her late 40s went on to say “Maids are born to be maids. They are not equipped to do better.”</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I sat in disgust as I dined with this woman. I listened as the conversation went on into bickering about their maids incapability to take simple instructions. I have heard many people bitch about their maids. I too have, especially when I started finding money missing from my pockets. But to judge an entire group of people based on their occupation reminded me a little too much of the caste system. I really wanted to ask this woman why she was hiring somebody else to do a job that was apparently so insignificant?</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Another day she named an MNC and asked me how they could hire her maid's daughter since she couldn't even speak decent English. I had kept quiet the other day and decided I could not do that again and told her that not all jobs in this country depend on English speaking skills. After all, English isn't even our native language. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This is the thought that fails me. How does speaking English make one superior? Isn't the objective of language communication? I myself am quite ashamed that I think in English and can't fluently speak a single Indian language. We are all for supporting movements that promote education for all, but where is that support when it comes to practising dignity of labour? </span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The above example is one of many. The way we deal with the people in our system highly reflects our thoughts. The maid servant, the watchman, the auto driver and many more are all people we take for granted in society. We assume that the reason they have those jobs is because they are uneducated, poor or simply don't know better. The sad part of it all is that we benefit greatly from the services of these people every day. I never fail to thank my maid servant as she leaves home every morning. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The traffic policeman is another person that I feel bears the brunt of this disgusting Indian habit. We hate all of them because we bumped into a few that offered to take bribes from us. Our policemen are highly underpaid. They are made to work long hours without breaks to eat or answer nature's calls. At the end of it, they have to somehow put up with us. All of us, in a hurry to get places that we forget lane discipline. We ride onto the zebra crossing before the pedestrians even get a chance to cross the street. We don't always wear our helmets. We are proud to drink, drive and get away with it and in the end we blame the police because they are under staffed. Who would want to be a policeman? Long hours, less pay and the worst of it, the public treats you like scum. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A trend is coming together. Over time, we are putting engineers, doctors and entrepreneurs on a pedestal. No doubt, these are noble jobs. The point is all of them are. We are all a part of this system and we all put in the same amount of effort. Dignity of Labour is defined as respecting all jobs equally. But when I see the way we treat each other, I can only see that we define dignity based on our incomes forgetting that if we didn't have one another, our lives would simply fall apart. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</div></div>Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3267956994233839477.post-84808158363160584452011-12-23T09:08:00.000-08:002011-12-26T23:39:44.448-08:00Being Indian: Sexuality<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUX8uKyJjoRbFEAq860wqYZuabPvRRQzRG4v4pQkBE_9lPD1RTbjWEV7RolXzlPt2p7ofYpxhU9evYLEE_mNz_Vg1-LCUS1LJH6cvVimV4Hx3xw2YoSGZt2h3g-ElAPMaRC48upI2G4YWX/s1600/nicubunu_Woman_Silhouette_2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUX8uKyJjoRbFEAq860wqYZuabPvRRQzRG4v4pQkBE_9lPD1RTbjWEV7RolXzlPt2p7ofYpxhU9evYLEE_mNz_Vg1-LCUS1LJH6cvVimV4Hx3xw2YoSGZt2h3g-ElAPMaRC48upI2G4YWX/s1600/nicubunu_Woman_Silhouette_2.png" /></a></div><br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It's a three letter word. It has so much do with life and yet we choose not to talk about it. It's use is abundant in adjective form. In the movies, in the tabloids, on the streets. India is a country with a raging population of over a billion people. The way things are going I wonder how these people got here. Since nobody's ever talking about sex. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My experiences with this word have been many. Right from my teens, there was that aunt who didn't let me watch a Toni Braxton video on MTV. Or that time she told me Friends was a bad tv show. Of course, there is the awkward experience of reading an illustrated book that explained the act of sex when I was 11. I had just hit puberty. And of all the ways to educate me on the subject, I was given a book. A dirty book. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I remember clearly stumbling upon my mother's lingerie when I was a child and she would hurriedly put it away saying I wasn't the right age. I never remember asking my parents where I came from. I guess even as a child I knew that here and now wasn't the time to ask questions. That I think is the biggest problem with the current society. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Today, 26 years old, I understand everything there is to know about sex. And I believe that the road to now could have been a lot smoother. I wish that my mother had sat me down and told me everything about sex. Approaching the subject objectively, warning me that if sex must be practised, it should be practised safely. I wish she had told me that I was going to start growing breasts so when they came I wouldn't be ashamed of them but embrace them. I wish she had told me that one day I was going to start bleeding, so I didn't think I was dying. </span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Nobody's ever talking about sex here. I visited a gynaecologist early 2011 and in my appointment, I asked her what kind of birth control I should use. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She very confidently said “Once you get married, sex will be safe.”</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">How does a legal written document or a ceremonial procedure make sex safe? A perfect case of moral policing, this doctor thought it was better to advice me on what is right and wrong morally rather than look out for my physical well-being. Pre-marital sex is often frowned upon in this country. The ironic thing is that it is so rampant that the frequency of abortions is very high. I know many women who have had abortions, some in their early weeks and some very painfully past their trimester. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In fact, I have had an abortion. When I think of pain, I think the most that I have gone through is minutes after inserting that tablet up my vagina. I went through it with my mom on my side who thought it was a mere heat stroke. I never told her because I was ashamed. I thought that despite being so aware of the dangers of having unprotected sex, I had made such a stupid mistake. Months after the dreadful life changing procedure, I started talking. I discovered that many women around me went through the same thing. They were all ashamed for the same reason. I realized I wasn't alone. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">At that point I realized this country has got to start talking about sex. Yes, the i-pill advertisements are quite the progress. But any open-minded gynaecologist will tell you that taking an i-pill Is asking for disaster. I myself have had migraines and 14 day long periods just because I took an I pill. Where are the PSAs about birth control? About condoms? Where are the instances of abortions and safe pre-marital sex in our Indian soaps? Why is it that I'm a large part of a majority and still portrayed as a minority?</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am no longer ashamed. I was 24 when I had to get an abortion. I was not financially or emotionally stable enough to raise a child. I made the right choice. And many people would agree with that. Why bring a child into this world if you don't have the responsibility to raise him/her? Think about it.</span></div><div class="western" style="border-bottom: 1px solid #000000; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: none; margin-bottom: 0cm; padding-bottom: 0.07cm; padding-left: 0cm; padding-right: 0cm; padding-top: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I recently had the most interesting online conversation with a writer from Mumbai about sexuality. I asked him what he thought of homosexuality and his response was quick. He said that when people are unable to find partners of the opposite sex, they just turn to their own sex. As a bi-curious person, I gasped and wondered how somebody who was a writer, a person with an inspirational role could say something so ignorant. When I told him that I myself might be bisexual, he started questioning me. If I had kissed a woman, if I had licked a cunt. Soon into the conversation I realized that on the other end of this network was a man with his dick in his hand. I stopped discussing my sexual life with him. He said he needed research for his book because he wanted to add a few sexual chapters and hadn't had sex.</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I went on to give him links to erotic stories that I had written when I was experimenting with the genre. I had found that writing erotica was challenging. A little too challenging. I didn't know if it was my lack of knowledge in the kinky areas of life or that my metaphors had run out, I had only 2 stories to my credit. I shared it with him and told him that if I found any kind of plagiarism I would sue his sorry ass. He insisted that I tell him in conversation how my love making sessions went. I refused. Minutes later he turned around and said “This is not Indian culture” He compared me to Silk Smitha and said I would deserve a similar death. I went on to ask “What the fuck is Indian Culture?” to which he responded by saying I had abused his country and that I was a bitch. </span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Now, here's what I find absolutely disgusting about this experience. The minute I told him I could be bisexual he started to hit on me. I have had similar experiences before. Sharing my erotic writings with fellow writers have turned into misinterpreted invitations for sex. When men say they like big boobs, do you see me putting on a padded bra and asking them out? No. What is so wrong with a woman being open about her sexuality? And the worst is that this writer from Mumbai thought that writing erotica was wrong. We all know that a majority of people indulge in visual pornography if not written. Why the sudden hypocrisy?</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">At the end of this rant, I very plainly ask. What is so wrong about talking about sex? Isn't that how you and me got here? Isn't it a natural urge in life? There are a number of crimes in this country that arise from lack of sex education. When are we going to wake up? We have a serious problem with the lack of family planning and birth control. Our resources are limited. All I can say if there's no better time, it's now that we've got to start talking about sex, baby!</span></div></div>Vahini Raohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08723607472951557888noreply@blogger.com7